3 Ways to Rebuild Your Community
"Where did all my people go?"
This is one of those questions I often get a few months after a couple has separated. You have likely spent years building your network and your community around your marriage. You picked a church together, you picked your kids sports together. You made friends with other couples together. You attended everything together.
He/She got our friends in the divorce.
When you un-couple, dynamics in all of these settings and relationships shift too. I've heard people joke that "he/she got our friends in the divorce." *Cue the pity chuckle.
Slowly, the people you spent all those years with start to fall away. They lose touch. They spend more time with your ex-partner. Maybe their sense of loyalty makes them feel uncomfortable about choosing either of you. To make matters worse, you've been through one of the biggest transitions in your lifetime, and you need support!
This transition in divorce is a slower burn, and one that people often not prepared for.
Fear not, friends. Here are some tried and true ways that you can begin to rebuild your community:
Focus on the relationships you feel good about: Think of those people who help you feel like a whole person, who encourage you and challenge you, who love you when you're at your lowest. Double down on those relationships. Foster them, nurture them.
Reconnect with friends you lost touch with: Remember those friends that you've had in the past who made you laugh, who believed in you and helped you learn your strengths.
Make new friends: join groups for adults that aren't centered around being a couple. Join a gym and attend the classes. Find a new church, if that's part of your world - and get involved! Join a book club. Volunteer at an organization you're passionate about. Join an amateur sports team. Join local FaceBook groups (not necessary the post-divorce kind - those can be intense!).
Now that you are un-coupled, you have more time to pursue the things that make you feel like YOU. What do you love? Pursue it, and connect with other people who are involved and engaged with it.
Your people are out there!
Think you need some help sorting through this piece of the transition. I get it.
My colleagues over at my sister company, New Roots Counseling specialize in this work - they can help!
